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“Breathe deeply.” That’s what Lynn Baker advises when you find yourself
in a tense situation or one mired in conflict. Too simple an answer?
“Not so,” he says. Baker is a Toastmaster and an adjunct professor at
the University of Oklahoma, where he teaches conflict management.
Practicing this two-word mantra calms the body and puts you in control
of your emotions and responses. Taking a deep breath is a personal
strategy that can help you defuse a hot situation.
「深呼吸！」這是在你處於緊張情況或陷入衝突時，林貝克對你的建議。這個答案太簡單了吧？他說：「不盡然」。貝克是位國際演講會會員，也是在奧克拉荷馬大學，教導衝突管理之兼任教授。運用這三字真言，能紓緩身體，並讓你掌握情緒，及反應的控制。深呼吸，是幫你化解火爆局面的個人策略。
How to manage conflict and use it as a springboard to move forward are
challenges in today’s workplace. Not surprisingly, the key to tackling
these challenges is effective communication. Many companies have found
that effective communication reduces disagreements and promotes a
harmonious environment where employees are excited to work. It also
encourages productivity, creativity and responsibility.
如何管理衝突，並利用它作為跳板往前邁進，是現今工作場所面臨的挑戰。有效的溝通，無庸置疑的，是處理這些挑戰的關鍵。許多公司發現，有效的溝通可以減少意見不和，並促進氣氛和諧，讓員工樂意工作。它同時也促進生產力、創造力和責任感。
The definition of conflict varies from person to person and ranges from
minor disagreements, antagonism and incompatibility to hostility, heated
arguments, bullying and even violence. A simple difference in pinion can
escalate to include individuals who originally had no interest in the
issue.
衝突的定義因人而異，程度上小自意見不和、對立、不相容，大至仇視、爭吵、霸凌、甚至暴力。一個小小的意見差異，可以擴大到連累原先不相關的人。
Tensions between people are inevitable, says Wendy Kaufman, CEO of
Balancing Life’s Issues, Inc., in Ossining, New York. “We need to learn
to embrace conflict and be less fearful about it,” she says. “When we
remember that we can learn from conflict, it becomes less threatening.”
位於紐約歐西寧，協調生命議題公司總裁溫蒂考夫曼說：「人與人之間關係， 緊繃是無可避免的。」她說：「我們需要學習擁抱衝突，並減少對它的恐懼。當我們記取我們可以從衝突中學習，它就變得較不具威脅性」。
Kaufman says training on conflict management and resolution has
increased in the past few years. “Astute business owners realize it’s in
their best interest to teach employees how to deal with conflict,” she
says. Having employees learn how to resolve workplace disagreements is
important because the stakes are high. Unresolved conflict affects the
financial bottom line of a company, contributing to low morale, reduced
productivity and distractions from job responsibilities.
考夫曼說，過去這幾年間，衝突管理和解決的訓練課程持續成長。她說：「敏銳的企業主管發現，教導員工如何處理衝突，是符合他們的最大利益」。讓員工學習如何解決工作上的歧見很重要，因為回報很高。沒有化解的衝突，會影響企業盈餘、打擊士氣，降低生產力，和導致工作分心。
Be Proactive
要積極作為
It’s
wise to identify early signs of disagreement and to take steps to
resolve them before they escalate. Kaufman suggests having a set of
ground rules in place and a proactive strategy to deal with concerns
before they polarize people into opposing sides. Ignoring conflict and
hoping it blows over seldom works.
早期發現意見分歧的徵兆，並採取行動化解以避免擴大，才是明智之舉。考夫曼建議，在人們形成對立前，即妥當建立一套遊戲規則，和採取積極的策略去用心處理。忽視衝突，或期待它消失幾乎沒用。
Baker, the University of Oklahoma professor, is a member of the PROS
(Polishing and Refining Our Skills) Toastmasters club in Oklahoma City.
He suggests having a team meeting to discuss what specific values the
team wants to live by and what the prevailing norms should be:
collaboration, respect, listening, empathy or other values. Once you
agree on a set of values, then discuss how to implement them.
貝克除了是奧克拉荷馬大學之教授外，也是奧克拉荷馬市PROS精技國際演講會會員。他建議召開團隊會議，討論該團隊想要的價值觀，和主要的規範，例如：互助、尊重、傾聽、同理心等價值觀。在大家同意一套價值觀之後，才討論如何去執行。
A good first step in preventing conflict is the popular advice given by
Stephen Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People:
“Seek first to understand and then to be understood.” And understanding,
notes Covey, requires effective communication skills – especially
listening.
避免衝突正確的第一步，根據《與成功有約的七個習慣》的作者，史蒂芬柯維頗受歡迎的建議：「先求了解再求被了解」。柯維並指出，了解則需要有效的溝通能力，特別是傾聽。
Effective listening means giving your full attention to your
conversation partner or to the speaker, and is not limited to conflict
situations. It’s a sincere form of communication that shows respect,
which in turn enhances friendships and cements family relationships.
有效的傾聽，表示將你所有的注意力，擺在你說話的對象，或說話的人，不限在衝突的情況。這個真誠的溝通方式表達了尊重，因而促進友誼成長，並鞏固家庭關係。
Here are a few listening tips:
以下是一些傾聽的秘訣：
● Remove or move away from distractions such as your
computer, phone or TV. Allow the person to talk without being
interrupted. With a group of people, be sure to give each person a
chance to speak. Use a timer or clock to ensure each person is given the
same amount of time.
移除讓人分心的事物，如電腦、電話或電視。不要彼此的談話被打斷。如果是一群人，一定要給每個人說話的機會。使用計時器，或鐘錶以確認每個人都被賦與相同的時間。
●
Pay attention to
what the person is saying instead of mentally rehearsing your next
comment. Use responses that acknowledge you are listening, keep them
noncommittal and encourage the speaker to share his or her thoughts and
opinions.
注意對方所說的話，而不是在腦中排練你下個評論。回應你正在傾聽但不表態，並鼓勵對方分享他或她的想法和意見。
●
Ask open-ended
questions to clarify any unclear points and repeat or paraphrase what
you believe you heard the other person say. This helps prevent
misunderstandings and miscommunication. You may want to take notes,
which shows your concern and interest and keeps a record of the
meeting.
以開放式問題，去釐清不清楚的地方，重覆或換句話，重述你認為你聽到對方所說的話，以避免誤解或溝通不良。你可以做筆記，以表示你的關心和興趣，並順便做成會議記錄。
●
Be aware of your
body language and that of the speaker. Positive body language can help
calm tense situations. Maintain good eye contact and use gestures such
as leaning forward and nodding your head to encourage the speaker.
注意你和對方的身體語言。正面的身體語言，可幫助減緩緊張的情勢。保持良好的視線接觸，並使用身體前傾，和點頭等動作示意，以鼓勵說話的人。
One of
my former bosses was a master at listening. At the first sign of
tension, or if employees were beginning to grumble and take sides on an
issue, he would invite each employee to go on a “walk and talk” with him
through the office building. On this casual stroll, he listened
carefully and asked questions that encouraged each employee to share his
opinions, ideas and answers. He used input from these “walk and talks”
to develop a solution. By demonstrating respect and value for each
employee in the decision-making process, he made us all feel invested in
the solution and in the future of the company.
我一位前任老闆，是個溝通高手。在一出現警張徵兆，或員工開始抱怨，或袒護某件事時，他會邀請每個員工，和他在辦公大樓「走走聊聊」。透過閒逛的過程，他仔細聆聽，並尋問員工問題，以鼓勵他們分享意見、想法和答案。他利用這些從「走走聊聊」所獲得的資訊，找出解決方案。因為在決策過程中，他展現對員工的尊重與珍惜，讓我們每個人感受到，投入在解決方案和公司的未來。
Conflict often brings out the drama and emotion in our words. Someone
who is upset and controlled by emotions may be unable to communicate his
feelings and ideas and may distort what he hears. Author and
communication consultant Sam Horn suggests strategies to use when
communicating about tough issues. Her book, Tongue-Fu! ®: How to
Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict, offers constructive
word choices for sensitive situations. She describes “tongue-fu” as a
mental martial art where the speaker chooses to stay kind even if others
are inconsiderate and rude. It’s a way to disarm with charm.
衝突往往會導致言語相關的戲劇化和情緒化。一個心煩意亂的人，會被情緒所操控，而無法傳達他的感覺和想法，也會扭曲他所聽到的訊息。作家及溝通顧問莎曼荷恩提出，對於棘手問題溝通策略的建議。她的書《舌功﹗如何轉移、解除和化解任何語言衝突》
提出，用於敏感狀況的建設性用字遣詞。她形容舌功有如心智上的武藝，講話的人可以選擇保持親切，不管對方多麼的無禮和粗魯，這是以魅力化解暴力。
Choose Your Words Carefully
小心用字遣詞
Horn
says your choice of words can either calm or incite the situation. She
suggests avoiding extreme words like always, never, everyone and
no one. Instead, substitute sometimes and some people,
which are more accurate. She also suggests “tongue-glue” – not a
product, but a practice of thinking before you speak, to avoid
regretting your words later.
荷恩說，你的用字遣詞，可以緩和或煽動情勢。她建議避免使用極端的字眼，如每次、從不、每個人、沒有人，而以有時、有些人來替代，這樣也比較正確。她也建議使用「舌膠」-
不是個產品，而是想好再說的做法，以避免出口後才後悔。
The blame game can also escalate conflict. Name-calling, accusations,
bringing up past injustices and wrongs, and of course offensive
language, are off limits, as are ridicule, criticism and put-downs. Stay
clear of any conversation that includes yelling, name-calling or
threats.
推諉過錯，會增長衝突，謾罵、指責、重述過去的不公或錯誤，當然還有攻擊性言語，都是不應當的；同樣的，奚落、批判和貶損也是。在任何談話中更不要有吼叫、謾罵或威脅。
When you have to present or defend your side of an issue, organize your
thoughts. That’s when taking a deep breath will give you a moment to
clear your mind, calm your emotions and choose your words. This is
another way your Toastmasters training will benefit you: Before
。one-to-one
conversation, say the person’s name to start and focus the conversation.
當你必須表達或維護你的立場時，好好組織你的想法。這時深呼吸，可讓你有時間整理思緒、緩和情緒和選擇用詞。這是國際演講會的訓練，帶給你的另一個好處：開始前先確認你的聽眾的注意力，不論聽眾是一個人或一百人。建立視線接觸，並等到你的聽眾專注時才開始。在一對一的對話時，先稱呼對方後，才開始並專注在議題上。
Have a
purpose for your comments. Make a list of points you want to cover and
refer to the list if the conversation strays from the topic.
你的言論要有主題。做一張清單，涵蓋你想涉及的重點，並在談話偏離主題時，回歸到清單上。
Keep your comments positive. Use indirect statements instead of
confrontation. Use “I” statements like, It seems to me, I understand,
I perceive, My impression is…. These deal more honestly with your
reaction to the situation.
保持正面的言論，以間接式的陳述代替衝突。使用「我」來陳述，例如：我好像、我了解，我感覺，我的印象…。這些用詞比較忠實呈現你對情況的反應。
So what do you do when prevention and listening skills don’t work? Allow
the person to vent, which helps release some of his pent-up energy and
emotion. Telling a person to “calm down” often aggravates and escalates
the conflict. Instead, after she has finished her rant, calmly repeat
the message with words like, If I understand you correctly…. If
you have a satisfactory solution, offer it; if not, ask the person what
solution she would suggest. If you agree on a solution, follow through
to implement it.
當預防和傾聽技巧都沒用時，怎麼辦呢？讓對方發洩吧！這可幫助他釋放一些被壓抑的能量和情緒。告訴對方「冷靜點」，通常只會加重，並擴大衝突。相反地，當她完全發作後，平靜地說：「如果我對你的了解是正確的話…」或類似的用語，來重述所接收到的訊息。如果有合意的解決方案，就提出來；如果沒有，問問對方她的建議方案。如果你認同，就徹底的執行它。
Take Time to Cool Off
花點時間平靜下來
Another suggestion is to put time and distance between you and the
conflict when things become heated – 24 hours is a good amount of time.
This allows all parties an opportunity to cool off. Then come back and
readdress the issue. Involve an uninvolved party, if necessary, to help
mediate and monitor the conversation.
另外一個建議，是在事情白熱化時，在自己和衝突之間，給一些時間和距離
- 24小時是個好主意。這可使雙方有機會冷靜下來，之後再重啟這個議題。如果有需要的話，邀請第三方來協調，和監督雙方的對話。
The perception and expectation of Toastmasters is that with our
communication skills, we can easily calm tempers and negotiate peace
from the uncooperative. The reality is that we also face conflict
and communication challenges, even in Toastmasters meetings.
一般對演講會會員的觀感和期待，是我們的溝通技巧，讓我們在面對不合作的對象時，可以輕鬆地平息情緒，及和平談判。其實，即便在分會會議上，我們也要面對衝突和溝通的難題。
Baker recalls a situation when members of the PROS club were planning a
presentation on parliamentary procedures to help other clubs. How to
give the topic pizzazz and make it interesting became a challenge to the
group. One member began to react testily to suggestions and to take them
as personal criticism. Baker suggested not making any changes to the
presentation unless the person felt comfortable with them. When the
member realized his input was valued, the tone of the meeting changed,
and the PROS members were able to put together a popular program that
they often present to other clubs and organizations.
貝克回憶有一次，PROS分會會員們，為協助其他分會，準備一份介紹國會會議程序報告，這群人為了如何讓這個議題變得生動有趣而傷透腦筋。這時，一位會員開始對其他人的建議感到不耐煩，還將它們視為個人攻擊。貝克於是建議，除非這位會員覺得妥當，否則不更動任何報告內容。當這位會員覺得自己的意見被尊重，會議的氣氛也就改變了，而PROS分會會員，也順利編製一份受到歡迎的教育訓練課程，並經常到其他分會和組織中報告。
Ultimately, managing conflict means managing yourself – your
emotions, words and actions. Simple techniques like deep breathing,
attentive listening and considering word choices can defuse a hot
situation and help you and others move forward to resolution.
最後，衝突管理其實是自我管理
-
你的情緒、用字遣詞和行動。深呼吸、傾聽和用字遣詞這些簡單的技巧，能化解緊張的局面，並協助你和他人邁向解決方案.
Linda E. Allen, CC, is a member of the Pacesetters Toastmasters
in Stillwater, Oklahoma. She is a writer, speaker and trainer
specializing in cultural awareness, professional and personal
development, and leadership. Reach her at
lindaeallen@sbcglobal.net.
作者：琳達艾倫，中級演講員，奧克拉荷馬州靜水城先鋒演講會會員。她是位作家、演說家及在文化認知、職能與個人發展及領導等領域的專業教練。她的電子郵件信箱lindaeallen@sbcglobal.net
譯者：盧麗嫻
Lisa, Ta Ren Toastmasters Club
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