Be honest, do you find it difficult to say “no”? Whether to your boss, your friends, or people who disrespect you and step on your boundaries. I do. And if you had been with me 12 years ago, you would have witnessed a very embarrassing situation.

I traveled to Belgium when I was 22, young and naive. One day I went to a famous restaurant to have lunch and the waiter who served me was Mr. K. Dark hair, great smile, around 30 years old. Mr. K was nice. Food was delicious. Everything was great.

After lunch, I went to a nearby supermarket when someone patted me on my shoulder. Hey, it’s Mr. K again. “What a coincidence!” “Hi, Hannah. Actually I am off duty this afternoon. Let me show you around the city.” “Wow, that’s very nice of you thank you!” And I thought “Local tour for free. Yes! ”

So Mr. K showed me around, he brought me to a beautiful park, we were walking and talking. Then out of nowhere, Mr. K held my hand, like this. “What’s going on?” I shook off his hand, “Look at that lady over there, she is so beautiful!” But after a while, Mr. K held my hand again. Now I am internally screaming “Wait! Why? We were talking about weather” And I took out my umbrella “It’s so sunny today!”

But Mr. K did not give up. “I know a very good restaurant, Hannah. Let’s have dinner together tonight.” Inside my head I was like “I don’t wanna have dinner with you, it’s getting so weird. And for your information, I am not going to sleep with you tonight.” But somehow I just couldn’t say that one simple word, “no”.

I felt so helpless and desperate that when I saw a group of Chinese-looking tourists, I just ran to them “OMG why are you here? Long time no see!” I don’t even know them. And that was how I “escaped” from Mr. K.

Fast forward a few years, this time I was 28 years old, still young but not so naive. And I was volunteering in a sustainable living community in Ecuador, South America. One afternoon, after grocery shopping in the village, I walked back to my community.

Suddenly, something touched my bottom. Do you know what I saw? Mr. K? That would be scary but it was something even scarier because I saw nothing. No animal, no other people, just me on the path. “But it’s 4pm in the afternoon. Isn’t it a bit too early for ghosts?”

So I continued to walk. And then something touched my bottom again. This time I turned right and this time, I saw a local teenage boy. “Wait. So it was this boy who touched my bottom? Is this how they say hello here?”

And then that boy started speaking to me AND touched my bottom, for the third time. At that moment, I realized the first time wasn’t my illusion, the second time wasn’t saying hello. And I exploded. “No! Go away!” I am not like this normally.

When I went back, I shared this story with other volunteers. They all laughed. I laughed. Except my German roommate, Emma, [step up] she came to me, she hugged me, “Hannah, thank you for saying no. Thank you for standing up for yourself.”

I didn’t say no to that teenage boy because of Emma, but she made me realize the true meaning of saying no, and gave me courage.

Have you been there? Have you ever been in a situation where you wanted to say no but you just didn’t know how? Or have you ever met people who disrespect you and keep testing your bottom line but you still didn’t know how to say no because you don’t want to look bad, you don’t want to be disliked, you want to fit in, be accepted and be loved.

But Emma is right: Saying no is not about rejecting others. Saying no is about you standing up for yourself.

So ask yourself: Is this what I want / what I need? Am I respecting myself? Be honest, and summon that courage to stand up for yourself. And if you don’t do this for yourself, no one would, because no one should and no one could be responsible for your life.

So dear friend, please, stand up for yourself, say [no].