Mirror, mirror on the wall, who do I love most of all?

Contest Master, Ladies and Gentlemen- Be fair, don’t compare. It took me most of my life to learn that we should never judge people and the true essence of what it takes to be fair, to myself and to others.

Once upon a time, I was the hero of my very own fairytale! I fought for love and happiness.

My mother was Snow White – loving, bright and beautiful. My father the king and I? I was the happy little prince growing up on a farm in South Africa. Until one day, when I was 10 years-old. My parents dropped a bomb on me - divorce. It broke my heart.

A year later, my father dropped another bomb. He was getting married again – to my stepmom – the villain of my fairy tale. Evil, cold and calculating. I believed she invaded my life with only one purpose – to make me suffer!

Nobody asked me. I had no say in choosing my new mom! If I had, then I would have rather chosen Angelina Jolie!

However, I didn’t want a new mom. I wanted MY mom. I thought that if I allowed my stepmom it would be a betrayal of my own mom. I just couldn’t do it. I believed I was the hero defending Snow white against the Wicked Witch.

Every day I would wield my sword, - to fight and make her look bad, so my father would see that she was evil and would say the magic words, “You’re fired!” Of course it never happened. He loved her. I hated her

One day as I was working in the garden, which she made me do, I suddenly I felt a sharp, piercing pain in my foot – snake bite! Don’t worry,I know what to do. Rule 1 - Don’t run! Rule 2 - Don’t panic! Rule 3 – Identify the snake! All I could identify was one thought in my head: I’m going to die!”

On the way to the hospital, I was in the back seat, - freaking out - when stepmom turned around and said, “Stop crying, you’re not going to die!  What a witch! It was as if she had turned into a snake and bit me herself. So later, when the doctor asked me what the snake looked like, I said: “…….like her!”

My poor dad was caught in the midst of all this. A man of few words and at the end of his rope, he wrote me a letter. It said, “Be fair, don’t compare”. “Why not Dad? Everyone compares, all the time!

“Don’t compare people, son. Don’t compare your mom to your stepmom. Every time you compare them………..you lose. You rob yourself of the opportunity to love, and be loved. “Of course I didn’t listen to him. I simply didn’t understand. I didn’t want to understand. My mom said to me: “Don’t fight my battles for me, I can take care of myself”

So, after I graduated from high school, I couldn’t wait to leave home and claim my independence. I joined the army, studied, traveled the world, fell in love, and fell out of love. But underneath this exciting new life, I could feel something was wrong. I still had a broken heart. If you don’t take care of a broken heart the pain becomes unbearable. Where do we go when we are in pain? Home! To mom! What a wonderful feeling to return to the loving arms of my mother!

Next stop, my dad’s house. I was so afraid, but was welcomed back with hugs and smiles and on the table there was a bowl of potato salad – my favorite food. And there she was – Stepmom – Suddenly she wasn’t the wicked witch anymore. I saw her as she really was, just another mother. We sat down and ate and talked and talked and talked and I realized we had more in common than our differences. She was fighting her own battle, one I knew nothing about and in her story she was the hero, just as I was in mine and you are in yours. We are all fighting our own battles that other people know nothing about. We are all the heroes of our own life stories.

I put my arms around her and said:

“I’m sorry.”

“I love you mom.”  

“I love you Josh”

I have two mothers – receiving double the love because I stopped comparing

Be fair, don’t compare. Yes, finally I understood. The moment we stop comparing people, is the moment we turn hate into love. It was time to throw away my sword.