Trust me, you can get divorced! Socrates once said, “By all means marry. If you get a good one, you will be happy; if you get a bad one, you will become a philosopher.” Ladies and gentlemen, by the look in your eyes, I can see that some of you look happy. But, a lot of you look like philosophers. If you are now suffering from an unhappy marriage for whatever reasons and don't know how to end it, don't panic. I'm here to teach you “how.” For those of you who are happy or still single now, you should tape my speech and save the “know-how” for a rainy day.

My tips are easy to follow. If you always work hard, then, work even harder. Be a workaholic. Leave for work while your spouse is still sleeping in bed. Don't come home until your spouse is in bed sleeping. Remember, you're so busy that you don't have time for your family. When your wife is screaming in the labor room, you’re working at the office. When your husband and kids are eating pizza at home, you're negotiating with a customer at a restaurant. All you have to do is just work, work, and work!

I know a lot of you are big bosses at your companies. You could also be the boss at home. Be demanding. Demand that men and women are equal, but insist that men should pay all the bills. Demand your husband to work hard for promotion, but also make him do all the housework – mop the floor, do the dishes and clean the toilet! Demand your wife to be independent, but also insist that she should be obedient. Ignore her ideas. Discourage her interests. If your wife says, “honey, I'd like to join Toastmasters.” “No, you just stay home. Take good care of my kids. What Toastmaster? You are the toaster. I am the Master!”

We Toastmasters are good at talking. So, you can talk even more. Be nagging. Nag him from 7 to 11. Upset him in private. Criticize him in public. Dampen his happiness. If he says, “Honey, Honey, I got a raise!” “Oh! Great! Finally I can get one more burger at McDonald. Hmm, you work like a dog but earn so little. Look at Mary's husband. He works one-third of your time, but his salary is three times that of yours. He drives a Mercedes. He plays golf. He… I must have been blind when I married you!” Never underestimate the power of nagging. It makes a home HELL on earth.

We Toastmasters are also known for superb reasoning abilities. So if you are sick of talking to your spouse that much, no problem, you can be a detective. Be suspicious. Always interrogate him. If he says he'll be home late, throw 5-wh questions at him. “Why?” “What're you doing?” “Where're you going?” “Who's with you?” “When are you coming home?” Screen all his phone calls. Always check the last ten calls on his cellular phone and keep a record. Examine his clothes thoroughly and even check the number of condoms and viagras. When you're with him, always watch out for what he sees and what he thinks. Every day, find some ways to show him you don't trust him. This is what you can do. “What are you looking at?” “Just the ad on the electric pole.” “I saw you staring at the woman behind the pole.“ “What are you thinking?” “I've told you the coming appointment with my boss, David.” “Oh, who knows? Maybe David loves a man.”

Ladies and gentlemen, an informal survey I did tells me that being workaholic, demanding, nagging, and constantly suspecting your spouse are the 4 big things unbearable to men and women of our generation. So if you want to challenge your marriage, just set the directions, go to extremes, and never give in. Perhaps next time when we meet, you'll have become single and available again. My dear friends, being a philosopher is difficult, but following my tips is just as easy as counting 1,2,3! However, if you do cherish your marriage, or if you still want to get married, be aware of the “big four.” Work hard, but don't be a workaholic. Respect but don't demand. Support but don't nag. Trust but don't suspect. Keeping a happy marriage, or getting divorced? YOU make the choice!