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Opening
GET THE OPENING
SETTLED AND GET IT MEMORIZED WITH BODY LANGUAGE! DON’T CHANGE IT!
Change?
Change? Is change a bad thing?
Contest
master, ladies and gentle men would you believe
Before
I moved to Taiwan I was as skinny as a chopstick. Now look at me. I
could use chopsticks to eat a horse.
Laugh with
the audience!
Before
marriage I decided everything. After marriage my wife makes make every
decision. Where we go on vacation, where we live, she even decided what
I would say today!
Since
coming to Taiwan I have changed a lot.
I got bigger!
I had to
give up control.
I
didn’t like change. I thought change was a bad think. I thought it meant
becoming something I am not.
Life
changes me in a variety of ways: through work, through friends, and
through family.
Stick
with the script don’t deviate. You don’t have the extra time.
TRUST THE SCRIPT!
Family
This
story starts when My wife and I had been married for a little over a
year.
Life was easy.
work
out hand gestures through here
My
wife went went swimming, running, and dancing with her girlfriends.
And I
went to movies, bars, and parties with MY girlfriends.
Slow
down on the series and speed up on the punchline.
Laugh with
the audience!
BUT our LIFE
CHANGED!
One
day we got wonderful news
The
doctor told us we were going to have a beautiful little angel!
But
nine months later we found out the doctors LIED!!! We didn’t get a ittle
angel we got a cute little monster!
Yeah a
yeah a monster.
we named
our monster Amanda!
It
was her goal in life to destroy our easy life. And surprisingly this
change makes us better people.
Helicopter Mother
Fast
forward a few years.
People liked this.
We are
at a park. My wife Jenny is buzzing around the playground and our
enemy is on the slide.
Forgot the underlined portion and didn’t seem to hurt it
Jenny
buzzes into ‘rescue’ Amanda.
No no
honey go down the slide not up it.
She
rejoins all the other helicopter parents.
Helicopter parents buzz around the playground
Act
out helicopter over the head MAKE IT BIG for the stage. Make thwopping
noise.
1:
Billy don’t take off your shoes
2:
Billy, Don’t put MUD in your shorts
3: Don’t
smoke that cigarette
The
helicopter parents buzz, in an out in, in an out, in an out.
They
move so much watching them makes me tired.
How do I
hand the situation?
I am
on the other side of the park enjoying a good book.
I yell
at Amanda (?) “Amanda, don’t do that!”
cut
underlined? Choose on stage!
“Do what dad?”
“Whatever you’re doing just stop it!”
don’t
split the contraction
So what
does that make me?
A Submarine
father
Consider a
gesture here or later that shows I am a submarine father
So what
does that make me?
A submarine
father
What
does a submarine father do best?
I
launch my MISSILES of parental guidance from wherever I am at my target
no matter where she is!
(Not
working) The couch, my bed, or even in the bathroom!
Even
a few years ago I was in bed with my beautiful wife.
Do you want me?
Yes, I
want you! To put Amanda to bed!
Let them laugh
(scrunchy
pouty face) that’s not want I meant! (voice trailing off)
So I
sit up “Amanda go to bed!”
“But I am
watching Youtube!”
Okay.
So I grab my phone find the internet application and prepare my missile
for launch!
3-2-1! (crouching
down)
(Springing up arm above head) LAUNCH!
I
watched (hand over brow like visor) and listened (hand around ear big
flare for stage)
let
the pause hang a bit longer than comfortable
Amanda
shrieks in anger. Then “The internet is not working.”
wait
two seconds and move on don’t make comments
(Fist
pump) Yes! Direct hit! (big smile)
Family
Comparison and Change
Growing up my family were all submarines. My wife’s family were
helicopters.
My
family were didn’t want us to come home until late
My
Wife’s family were there watching everything!
I have have to
adapt.
I have had to
change.
I
have had to put wheels on my submarine! So I am ready to attack by land
and by sea when my daughter needs me.
I
have had to become a team player. My wife and I have to work together.
As
with all teams we have a coach, my wife. And if I do exactly what she
says we will ‘win’
If I
don’t my daughter will use her (slow and clearly) 3D ATTACK:
She will play:
Act out each
Deaf:
(hand over ears) I can’t hear you. I can’t hear you!
Dumb:
(bobbing head hands raised) “ti a bu, ti a bu” (Taiwanese) “I can’t
understand your English!”
Dead:
(Leaned over and peeking up) Is dad gone? pause Is he there?
Closing
Am I a
good submarine father?
Let them say yes
Is
working with my wife a good thing?
Let them say yes
Am I
as skinny as a chop stick?
Let them say no
I
have found that change is good.
Change is not about becoming something I am not.
The
truth is: change is about becoming more than I ever imagined I could be!
Final Joke
All
of this talk of change is making me hungry!
I
feel like I could eat a horse!
Pull out
big chopsticks
Now,
where can I find that horse!
let them laugh
Contest Master
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