My Giraffe Students

我的長頸鹿學生

 

A lot of people have asked me what I do for a living. Sumo? No, I am too skinny for that.  And I am not a bodyguard, neither. I am too fat for that. I am a teacher, though the first day I got to the school, the school guard stopped me because he did not believe it.

 

很多人都會問我，我以何維生？相撲嗎？不，我瘦了些。保鑣嗎？也不是，我肥了點。我是個老師，雖然第一天到學校報到時，校園警衛不敢相信而把我擋在校門口。

 

Contest master, honorable judges, ladies and gentlemen.

 

比賽主持人，敬愛的裁判，各位女士先生。

 

As a teacher, I often need to monitor students’ exam. You might think it’s rather boring, standing there, watching the students. But it’s actually quite interesting. Just imagine the classroom is a zoo, and students are animals, and you are taking a trip for fifty minutes.

 

身為老師，我常需要監考。您可能會覺得站在那兒看著學生挺無聊的，但其實很有趣。只要想像教室是個動物園，學生都是動物，您正進行一場五十分鐘的遊覽就可以了。

 

Some students are like lions or tigers, strong, quick, and lethal, attacking the test paper to the pieces. Some are like bears…in the winter. (ZZZ…) They do not know what to write down anyway. Still others are like giraffes. They stick their necks super long during the test.

 

有些學生像是獅子，強、快、致命，看起來就像要把考卷撕碎。有些學生像是熊，冬眠時候的熊（裝睡），反正他們也不知道要寫什麼。還有些學生像是長頸鹿，他們在考試中總是奮力伸長著脖子。

 

I always enjoy observing those giraffe students during the test. Do you know why I can always find them? Because I was the king of the giraffes.  After years of observation, I found there are three kinds of giraffes.

 

我總是很享受考試時看著這些長頸鹿，為什麼我總能發現他們呢？因為我曾經是長頸鹿之王。在經年累月的觀察中，我發現長頸鹿一共有三種。

 

First, the super experienced giraffe is the professional. Their heads never moved, but their eyeballs are like tracking cameras. Within seconds, the job is done, and only the most experienced teacher could notice the problem. When you look at them, they are so calm. They will not look back at you, and just pretend that they are just working on their tests. To this kind of giraffe, I will simply walk down from the stage and stand between him and the target. That is also the reason that I never lose weight. I need the body size to block this kind of giraffe. This is for the education of Taiwan.

 

首先，是專業級的長頸鹿。他們的頭紋風不動，但是眼睛就像是追蹤攝影機一般。幾秒間就完工了，唯有最有經驗的老師才能發現問題。當你看著他們的時候，他們冷靜無比，完全不會回望，只會假裝寫著考卷。對這類的長頸鹿，我只會走下臺，站到他與目標之間，這也是我從未減重的原因，我需要這個肚子來抵擋他的視線。我的肚子，就是臺灣教育的未來。

 

The second is the acting giraffe. They never peep directly. There will always be some fake actions to cover their real intent. Their action, is what always draws attention. For example, they will yawn and peek, turn the neck and peek, or even pretending to sleep and peek. This kind of giraffe is the easiest kind to deal with. Just walk to his side and stared at him, and the show is over.

 

其二，是演技派長頸鹿。他們從不直接偷看，而會用假動作來掩飾意圖。但這些動作正是引來注意的原因。例如，他們會打哈欠後偷看，轉轉脖子後偷看，或是裝睡偷看。這種長頸鹿是最容易處理的一種了，走到他們旁邊瞪著他，演出就結束了。

 

The last kind of giraffe is the most interesting one: the guilty giraffes. . “To peek or not to peek, that is the question”. These students are often good students, they just can’t resist the temptation of getting higher grades. But because they are so inexperienced, so they really do not know how to do it right.  Their peek will always be hesitant. When they finally turned their heads, the skills are so bad that the teacher will catch him/her right away. The most interesting thing is, when you look at them, they will simply freeze. Their eyes will be so big and they will just look at you with the most innocent look on the face, showing “ I did nothing wrong, please”. Come on, when you are really working on the test paper, why would you spend any time looking at the teacher on the stage? I always spend a lot of time playing red light and green light with these students.

 

最後一種長頸鹿是最有趣的：罪惡感長頸鹿。「要看還是不看，那可是個問題」這些學生通常是好學生，只是一時受不了更高分的誘惑。但因為他們很沒經驗，抓不到竅門，所以偷看時總是遲疑的。當他們終於轉頭時，因為技巧很差，所以馬上就會被抓。最有趣的是，當您盯著他時，他們會一動也不動。眼睛瞪大著，帶著天真無邪的表情，顯示著「拜託，我可沒做錯事」拜託，如果你真的在寫考卷，你怎麼會花時間看臺上的老師呢？我總是會花點時間跟這類的學生玩玩「一二三木頭人」。

 

One day I asked get my giraffe students to my office, because I wanted to know why they cheated.

 

有天，我找了這些長頸鹿學生到我的辦公室，因為我想知道他們為什麼作弊。

 

Hey you, why you peep at others’ test paper?

Because I was trying “locate” the right answer

 

嘿，你為什麼看別人的考卷？

因為我在「找」答案啊！

 

Why your answers are all the same with the girl next to you?

Oh, that must because we are meant for each other.

 

為什麼你的答案跟旁邊的女生都一樣呢？

噢！那一定是因為我們天生一對嘛！

 

You know, I really hope I didn’t see you peeping others.

I also really hope you didn’t see me.

 

你知道嗎，我真希望我沒看見你作弊。

我也真希望你沒看見我作弊。

 

Ladies and gentlemen, why do students cheat in the exam? I was also a giraffe, so I know. In the very end there is only one reason: because we are not well-prepared, and we don't have enough confidence in ourselves.

 

各位先生女士，為什麼學生會作弊呢？我曾是隻長頸鹿，所以我知道。到頭來只有一個原因，因為我們準備不夠，所以我們對自己不夠有自信。

 

In our lives, there are times that that we lose confidence in ourselves and want to take a look at others’ answers. However, God has given us different lives with different questions, so the answers will never be the same. Then, what’s the point of looking at others’ answers? Especially, what if others’ answers are wrong? So there is only one way to make things work: Prepare well, try our best, and have faith.

 

在我們的生命中，總有這樣的時刻，我們會失去信心，想看看別人的答案。然而，神給了我們不同的生命，有著不同的問題要面對，所以答案其實也永遠不會一樣。既然如此，看別人的答案有何意義呢？尤其，若他人的答案是錯的該怎麼辦？所以，其實只有一種方法有效：好好準備、全力以赴、抱持信念。

 

Prepare well, so that we may have confidence in ourselves.

Try our best, so that we may feel pride in our work.

Have faith, because when we have faith, we can move mountains.

 

好好準備，我們才能對自己具有信心。

全力以赴，我們才能對作品感到驕傲。

抱持信念，因為當我們有了信念，便能移山。

 

As you can see, this is the evidence. After 20 years of hard work and preparation, even a giraffe, can become a strong lion.

 

誠如您所見，這就是證據。在二十年的努力與準備後，即便是隻長頸鹿，也能變成強壯的獅子。

 

Contest chair.

比賽主持人。