(Walk across the podium pretending to walk with a cane) Do you expect a ‘golden gentleman’ like me to walk like this? But (dance a tap dance) “Every rule has an exception.”

(持著拐扙走過舞台)你以為像我這樣的老紳士，走路就像這樣嗎? 但是,(跳一段踏踢舞)「有規則就有例外」。

When we were children, our teachers always taught us that we had to follow the rules and if we didn’t (pretend to get beat) (Oh! Oh! Oh!). But now that I am older, I have found that following the rules sometimes can lead to trouble. Here are some of my experiences.

小時候，老師常告訴我們，務必要遵守規定，如果不從, (鞭打屁股聲, 啪！啪！啪！)(摸著屁股, 喔！喔！喔！) 現在我年紀大了，我發現遵守規定，有時反而會帶來麻煩。以下是我個人的一些經驗。

Rule number one: “You are supposed to speak foreign language in a foreign country. “  Right?  Yes, but not this time when my family went to Singapore twenty years ago. We wanted to go to the Singapore Botanical Garden. So I called a taxi and got in. I was so excited because after so many years of learning English, I finally had an opportunity to speak English in a foreign country. I said to taxi driver “Aei, Please take me to the Aei botanical garden”…… My English was so poor then that the driver didn’t quite catch what I said. So I gestured …..garden….many tree….flower. But he still didn’t understand. Finally, he said in Taiwanese “唉！你講台灣話就好了………”.  What a surprise! He asked me to speak Taiwanese in a foreign country. Then, what did I spend all that time learning English for?

規則第一條︰「在國外你應該要講外國話」對不對? 沒錯，但是，二十年前我們一家人到新加坡旅遊時，就不是這樣了。我們要到新加坡植物園，所以我叫了一部計程車後, 上了車。我當時非常興奮，因為英文學了那麼多年，我終於有機會在國外溜溜英文了。我對計程車司機說︰「請你載我到….植物…園」。那時候，我的英文不太好，所以計程車司機聽不太懂我的英文，我就用手勢比劃「花園」、「花」、「樹木」，但他仍然不瞭解，最後司機乾脆用台灣話對我說︰「唉！你用台灣話講就好啦！」 真嚇我一大跳！司機要我在外國說台灣話吔！那我幹嗎要花那麼多的時間去學英文呢 ?

Rule number two: “When in Rome do as the Romans do”.  Right? Yes, but not this time when my family went to Japan several years ago. We wanted to take a train from Kobe to Osaka during rush hour. When the train arrived, my two daughters push their way onto the train just as the Japanese did and my wife and I followed just like the Japanese did. All of a sudden, the train’s sliding door closed right before us and slowly moved away. My wife shouted, yelled(Aei...Aei…Aei….) and cried to see them leaving. I tried to comfort my wife and took the next train to Osaka, expecting they would wait for us at the terminal. Along the way, my wife kept crying which made the other passengers stare at me just like I was a bad husband cheating on my wife. Finally the train stopped at the terminal, but my daughters were still nowhere to be found. Actually, they got off at the next stop and took train back trying to find us. We seemed to play hide and seek until we finally reunited three hours later. We held one another tightly. This time it was my turn to cry. I cried out “During rush hour, Don’t do as Japanese do.”

規則第二條︰「到外地要入境隨俗」對不對？沒錯，但是，七年前我們一家人到日本旅遊時，就不是這樣了。有一次，我們在上下班尖峰時間，要搭火車從神戶到大阪。當火車到站時，我兩個女兒，學日本人, 推啊！擠啊！上了車，我和我太太，也和日本人一樣，推啊！擠啊！跟著上去。忽然間，火車的滑動門在我面前關起來，然後慢慢去開走。我太太驚呼大叫，最後哭著看著他們離去。我試圖安慰我太太，並趕搭下一班車，希望他們在終點站等我們。一路上，我太太哭個不停，其他乘客因此用眼睛瞪著我，好像我是一個外面有女人的壞老公一樣。(唉！) 最後車子終於抵達終點，但是我兩個女兒仍不見縱影。事實上，她們在下一站就下車了，並搭車回頭去找我們。我們一家人好像在玩捉迷藏，直到三小時後，全家人才團聚在一起。我們緊緊相抱，這時換我哭了，我哭叫「在上下班尖峰時間，不要入境隨俗學日本人」

Rule number three: ”Public place should have a public toilet.” Right? Yes, but not this time when my family flew to London this year. While we were walking along Thames River, enjoying the wonderful view of the London Bridge, I felt a call of nature. I looked around, but there was no sign of a toilet around. No problem! A wise man like me knew that every subway should have a public toilet, so I rushed to the nearby subway station. To my great disappointment, there was no toilet there. I was told that the nearest one was two stations away. I hardly controlled my bladder and took the longest 10 minutes ever to get there. To my great disaster, the toilet was closed on Sunday”, the very day I needed to use it. Just when I thought my bladder was going to burst, a kind local took me to a nearby McDonald’s where I discharged all the waste water.(Huuuu…..) I breathed a sigh of relief and thought of my lovely home land, Taiwan, where public toilets are everywhere. Taiwan, I …..love….. you.

規則第三條︰「公共場所一定有公共厠所」對不對？沒錯，但是，今年我們一家人到倫敦旅遊時，就不是這樣了。當我們沿著泰晤士河行走，欣賞倫敦橋美景時，我忽然感到尿急。我看看四周，並沒有看到洗手間的標示。沒問題！像我這麼聰明的人知道，地鐵站一定有洗手間，所以我就趕到最近的地鐵站去。讓我失望的是，該地鐵站並沒有洗手間，有人告訴我，要再下去兩個站才有。我強忍住尿急，經歷了史上最長的十分鐘才抵達那裏。讓我發狂的是，該洗手間在星期日關閉，偏偏在我最需要它的時刻關閉。就在我的膀胱快要爆炸的時候，一個好心的當地人，帶我到附近的麥當勞，讓我在那兒將身上廢水一股兒排光。呼！.....我舒服地鬆一口氣，並在此時想起我那可愛的故鄉----台灣，那到處都有公用洗手間的地方。台灣----我.....愛.....你。

Ladies and gentlemen, this is 21st century. The world is changing rapidly. The rule we learned before may not apply anymore. How many of you are more senior like me? Well, only because we are older doesn’t mean we should follow the rule to stay home, watch TV, and take care of our grandchildren. We still can have a dream. My dream has always been to give an English speech in front of an audience. Now look at me! I’m in the top 6!  Because…..“Every rule has an exception”.

各位先生、各位女士，現在是二十一世紀，世界正快速變動，以前我們所學的規則，也許不再適用今日。請問現場來賓，有多少人和我一樣是年紀比較大的？好！年紀比較大並不意味著，我們就要遵循老路，呆在家裏、看看電視、照顧我們的孫子，我們還是可以有夢想！我的夢想就是，在觀眾面前發表英文演講。現在，你看看我，我是全國前六名吔！因為....「有規則就有例外」。