Contest master, fellow Toastmasters, competent communicators: do you know what you need in a good speech?  An opening, a body, and a conclusion!  Well, I went to this party, and I saw this beautiful girl there – oh my!  The perfect woman!  Well, she was just like the perfect speech.  Her eyes were like an opening to her soul.  Her body… well, her body!  And her conclusion… let me say that it was very memorable.

I heard an ancient legend that the Toastmasters manual doesn’t just tell you how to make the perfect speech.  The real Toastmasters Manual Code is that it will help you get a girlfriend!  Today I will tell you how I used the secrets of the manual to get a girlfriend.

At this party, when I saw the beautiful girl who was like the perfect speech, I told myself, this is opportunity for C1, the icebreaker.  Objective: present a short introduction of yourself, including your background, interests and hobbies.  And C2: Organize Your Speech.  Remember to have an opening, a body, and a conclusion.  OK, so here goes.  I need to start with a line that will grab her attention.

Excuse me, but can I borrow your cell phone?  I told my mother when I saw the woman of my dreams, I’ll give her a call.  Hmm, she doesn’t seem to like that pickup line.  Maybe something more traditional.

“Hi, my name is Ted.  Let me tell you a little bit about myself.  I was born in Taiwan, but I moved to the United States at an early age.  I went back to the US for college, and I’m currently doing my military service.  I like rainbows, puppy dogs, and romantic movies.  I hope to get to know you a little better!  Toastmaster of the day!  I mean, it’s great talking to you!”

We had a little chat, and then we just mingled with other people.  However, towards the end of the party, I didn’t know if I would ever see her again!  It’s time to apply C3: Get to the Point.  I went up to her again: I’d like to get to know you better.  Could I get your phone number, and maybe we can go out for coffee?

She seemed a little reluctant, so I needed to kick it up a notch.  It was time for C4: How to Say It, and C5, Your Body Speaks.  Objectives: Use the right words, and use rhetorical devices such as similes and metaphors.  Use alliteration and other methods for your words.  Use body language.

I told her (gestures), “You know, I was just observing the way you interacted with the other guests at the party.  You noticed people who were by themselves, and you made them feel welcome.  You introduced people who had similar interests to each other.  You are the catalyst that brings people together, and you’re like a fresh spring day that brightens everybody’s mood.  I find your friendliness fascinating.  Toastmaster of the day!  I mean, how would you like to go out for coffee?”

Well, she said yes!  And she gave me her phone number!  Of course!  When you follow the manual, you will be successful.  That’s why all the evaluators always tell you to follow the manual.

I waited a few days to give her a call.  You’re never supposed to call the next day.  I know it doesn’t tell you in the manual, but if you look at the first word from each page, you will see (look at manual): “Call her after three days.”

The phone call.  Perfect opportunity for C6: Vocal Variety.  Objective: vary your voice, use pauses, and be expressive.  “Hello!  Is this Alice?  This is Ted, and I had a great time talking to you at the party last weekend!  I’m still really interested in getting together for coffee.  How about Saturday afternoon?  Toastmaster of the day!  I mean, I’ll see you Saturday!”

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I have a date!  But before I meet her for coffee, there’s something modern people have to do nowadays, which brings us to C7: Research your Topic.  Objective: Collect information, use facts, statistics, and figures. And what’s the best way to do that now?  Facebook!  I spent quite a bit of time on FB looking through her pictures, reading what her friends wrote.  I found out when she was born, what her blood type was, and what books she read.  I used Bing, a great search engine, to find out more about her school and her background.

When we did meet for coffee, I wanted to convince her that she would have a good future with me.  It was time for C8: Get Comfortable with Visual Aids.  I told her, “I’m doing my military service right now, so my salary is only NT$6,000 a month.  But wait!  Don’t go!  Don’t run away!  Look, when I’m working, this will be my new salary!  NT$60,000 a month!”  I think this visual aid convinced her to spend the rest of the afternoon with me.

Before we finished our coffee, I needed to make sure she still wants to see me.  It was time to make a good finish.  C9: Persuade with power, and C10: Inspire Your Audience.  Objectives: Persuade the audience to adopt a viewpoint, and appeal to their needs and emotions.

“I really enjoy being with you!  Just think about the future we could have together!  Imagine what it would be like, where we can just enjoy each other’s company, and build a life together.  We have similar goals in life, and I think you and I would be perfect partners in life.  Toastmaster of the day!  I mean, would you want to be my girlfriend?”

Friends, guess what she said.  I followed the manual.  Of course she said yes!  This is what I mean by the Toastmasters Manual code.  In here are the secrets to getting together with that perfect somebody.

I’m running out of time now, but in my next speech, I will show you how to use the advanced manual and share with you how I used that to turn my girlfriend, into my wife.

And for the final time, and for real this time, Toastmaster of the Day!