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Contest chair, fellow toastmasters, welcome guests. I am a foreigner. Until recently my Taiwan ID card had the letters on it, ARC,
and the words: Alien Residency Certificate. I'm an alien. How cool is
that? As a foreigner, I know it's not always easy making conversation with an alien. And, I've had some experience of this, people coming up to me and wanting to start a conversation. Now this could be because of my handsome good looks. pose But it's probably not, Maybe it's because, when I first came to KHH in 1989, I was
easy to spot. I remember if I went out with my friends and walked down the
street, we would get a group of people following along behind us. We
would walk into shops and there would be people looking in though the
window at us. I felt like an alien. Now things have changed, but I'm still fairly easy to spot, and I still get little kids hopping me around shouting, ‘American, American'. Which as I'm English, I find slightly disappointing. I just gently correct them. It's okay, I'm a teacher. So here's my first suggestion. Don't start a conversation with
an alien with a scare stare, or by calling me an American. Better is to
walk up with a warm and friendly hello. And when I say walk up there's the issue of personal space. I
come from England. And we like a huuuuge personal space. But from my
experience in Taiwan, it's different. So, here's another hint. If you're having a conversation with
an alien and you have to chase him around the room: you're too close.
But what's next? Well following up with questions is best. And
my experience in Taiwan is that question number one will be, ‘Where are
you from?' And this is a good question, because no one wants to get
slapped unnecessarily. I'm from England. And question number 2 will be, ‘How long have you been here?' Well, I've been here 20 years. Yes, I know what you're thinking, but when I first came here I was only 11. Then question number 3 will be, ‘Do you like Taiwan?” And I do. Now notice I'm putting numbers on these questions. Because I'm
always asked he same questions, and the questions are always the same
order. I know this because I've been in Taiwan 20 years and I've been
asked these same questions 23, 347 times. Once. In the lobby. Today.
And after question number 3 there's a pause. There'll be a
puzzled look on my new found friend's face, while he thinks, ‘What can I
ask now?' That's when I know that question number 4 is going to be: ‘Can
you use chopsticks?' (turn
sideways) Do I look too hungry? Now asking questions is good, but a conversation is two-way,
and they need to be questions I can return, that I can ask back. And
these questions I can't. I know, because I've tried. People ask me, ‘Where do you come from?', And I say, ‘England, where do you come from?' I get a blank look. People ask, ‘How long have you been here?', and I say, ‘20
years, how long have you been here?' I get a strange look. People ask me, if I like Taiwan, and I say ‘Yes, Do you like
Taiwan?' I get a worried look. And when I say, ‘Yes. I can use chopsticks. Can you use a
knife and fork?' The conversation ends. So, this is my third suggestion, maybe these aren't the right questions. Making conversation with an alien. Say a friendly hello, get
close, but not too close, and follow up with questions. But not those
questions. Because in truth those aren't the questions I've been waiting
for. Why does no one come up to me with a friendly hello, get close, and ask, ‘Are you single?' I would answer, ‘Yes, I am. Are you single?' Why does no ask me, ‘What's your star sign?' I would answer, ‘Leo. What's your sign star sign?' And why, …., why does no one ask, ‘Are you lonesome toni……?'
Oh, who am I kidding? Now that's how to make a conversation with an alien. |