When I was a young boy in England, I was bullied every day. By my family. 
        Look at you, oh. So skinny, ah. Your arms like chopsticks, lah.

Fellow Toastmasters, it was true. I was a skinny one. When the wind blew, I could fly away. 

The ugly truth about our society is that we equate manliness and masculinity to… physical size and sporting prowess. I mean, boys are ‘supposed’ to be good at sports. 
　

And I wasn’t. (shake head) It wasn’t for lack of trying - I tried everything! Football… Rugby… Ballet. 

You name it, I couldn’t do it. I was beginning to develop an insecurity about my masculinity. 
　

At school, I never had a girlfriend. Hard to imagine, right…? 

In fact, some people even set me up on blind dates. With boys. 

I needed some advice. I decided to ask the sexiest, most gorgeous girl I knew… 

“Mummy! Why don’t I have a girlfriend?”

“You wanna have a girlfriend, you have to be a real man. Sit down, shut up and listen!

I tell you how! 

“Step one. Become big and strong.
“Step two. Become more confident.
“Step three. Become a good boy. Bring me back (clap) more money! 
　

Yes, mum. 
　

The next day, I walked down the street with... confidence. Why? Because in my hand was a big wallet… taken from my dad (while he was sleeping). 

But that day, all around me were big men. Huge men. (look to right and up)
　

“Shouldn’t you be in the NBA?" 

Once again, I felt like less of a man. 

Where can I feel more confident in my masculinity? Where can I stand tall and be counted? Where can I feel like a man? 
　

So I came to Taiwan.
　

Taiwan. Where men look like women. And women look like… Hello Kitty.
　

But even in Taiwan, I was too thin. I hit the gym hard. I studied my hero, Arnold Schwarzenegger. And now, ladies, let me give you some advice. If you want to have a slim and sexy body… I’m right here. 

Now for confidence. Toastmasters is a fantastic place to build confidence, because everyone is so positive. Even when I delivered a terrible speech, people still said: "Cameron, er... your shirt looks nice today!" 

Aw, thank you! 
　

Finally, cash. I needed to find… a rich girlfriend. Or even better… two rich girlfriends. I needed to find a girl that was smart, sexy, rich...

But all I could find were other people's wives. (pause) Mainly Toastmasters. 
　

Luckily, there’s always a way for an English speaking foreigner to make money in Taiwan, even if they have no other skills... 

“Dad, can you send me more money?”

“Uh huh. Cash is fine. I love you, Dad! (kiss phone) 

Yes! I had done it! Muscles, confidence and cash. All of a sudden, the ground began to shake, the heavens opened… and light came down.. Hallel.. 
　

No, not really. 
　

But something was different. I began to move differently. And people around me began to see me... differently. 

In fact, just the other day, a hot girl, came up to me, and asked… 

“Are you a man?” (kiss) (look shocked)

And for the first time in my entire life, I was able to answer with confidence: 

“Yes... I am a Man!” [Rip off shirt]

“Get out! This is the ladies bathroom!” 
　

Fellow Toastmasters, and contest chair, some men can be insensitive, some men can be rude, some men can even be dirty. And those are the good ones. 
　

But Ladies, no man is perfect.

Appreciate him for what he is. If your husband or boyfriend doesn’t listen to you, doesn’t pay you enough attention, I think that’s a real shame. (Give me a call)   
　

And men, if you wanna be a real man, just remember what my mum said. You only need three things, huge muscles, massive confidence and lots of… (cash.) 

(shake head)

The truth is: Even now, I still have no muscles, no confidence, and... no more cash! I joined too many Toastmasters meetings!  
　

But luckily, you don't need any of that. If you want to be a man (take off shirt), if you want to be a MAN (beat chest x2), this is my advice. 
　

DON’T take orders from your mum. DON’T take money from your dad. And most of all… never ever, ever... use the ladies bathroom.