How do I look today?  One of my teacher advised that we never describe a woman as “ugly”.  The most extreme word would be “plain”.  Ladies and gentleman, I am forty some, going on fifty; it's ok if you said I'm “plain”, but “happy and healthy” would even be better.

How does “she” look today?  That was I, more than 20 years ago, just before I got married.  And you can see I'm a little “wider” these days.

Life is quite different for a woman before and after marriage.  See?  Before, after.  I devoted myself into family and children that I'd never pied attention to my appearance until one day my husband, Peter, told me, “I'm planning to invest in Mainland China!”  Mainland China!  Everybody knows how dangerous that place is for a man!  And he's going there in one week!

Suddenly every friend around me felt the obligation to warn me.  “Jo, come, come, why are you letting him go?  Don't you know?  Hot and spicy girls, everywhere.  And…and you…you, bad, very bad.”  I started to check myself: hair, grey, face, wrinkled, weight, over.  Everything about me was wrong.  And nothing could be repaired in just one week.  How could my Peter, my honorable, responsible, and innocent Peter, survive the attack from those seductive, attractive, and aggressive enemies?  And I can assure you, none of the toastmasters' skill would help me with the problem.

In panic and desperation, I went to my husband, and asked the stupid questions, “Will you do that to me?  Will you find a mistress?”  He gave me the universal answer, “The man who will do will do.  The man who will not do will not do.”  What kind of answer was that?  I didn't know my husband could be a politician.
　

So, Peter started to go back and forth between that “danger zone” and Taiwan.  And gradually, quite the opposite from what everybody expected, I found happiness and freedom during the period.  No more grilling my brain for what should we eat for dinner, or sweeping the floor and doing the laundry everyday.  I read my favorite books, had tea with my friends, and cleaned the house only the day before my husband was coming back.  Believe it or not, after more than one year, when Peter decided to settle down in Taiwan again, I shed tears.  There I saw my freedom went out from the window!

The following Chinese New Year, we went to Thailand for vacation.  My concept about a woman's appearance was shattered again.  Phuket is a famous island for Europeans.  They loved to walk on the beach and enjoy the sun.  One day I saw a woman, twice my size, walking on the beach and laughing with her friend.  She was naked from her waist up except two nipple rings shinning under the sun clearly.  I was astonished! 

How happy and healthy she looked!  Didn't she feel shy about her appearance?  And if she, fatter than me, had the confidence and courage to do that, then I, at least … should do something.  I rushed to the store for bikinis; the only thing that prevented me from buying one was the size, no, it was the price, so much money for so little cloth, bad bargain.

When I was young, I'd never thought that one day a collage student will give me priority seat on a bus, or my neighbor's kids would call me “grandma”.  But, ladies and gentlemen, do you think I'm old?  Of course not.  Old is a matter of feeling, not age.  And my confidence and self-esteem should come from my mind instead of my face.  Now, I'd like to sing you one song, so next time when you see me, you'd know what to tell me, with or without bikinis.